Former pilot who tried to kill plane engines says he wants to fly again

The former pilot who attempted to turn off the engines of a passenger airplane mid-flight hopes he can one day fly again.

Joseph Emerson, 44, discussed the tragic lapse in reason that ruined his career, the emotional impact it had on his family and his outlook on the future in his most in-depth interview since the incident.

“It’s 30 seconds of my life that I wish I could change, and I can’t,” he told ABC News in an interview published Friday.

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Emerson was riding in the jump seat of Horizon Air Flight 2059, an Alaska Airlines affiliate, when he allegedly tried to pull two handles that would have engaged a fire-suppression system and cut fuel to the engines. 

The then-pilot had taken psychedelic mushrooms the week before the incident during a weekend trip with buddies in remembrance of their deceased friend.

The psychedelic effects of the mushrooms typically last a few hours, but Emerson claims he suffered lingering side effects for days.

The plane had been traveling from Everett, Washington, to San Francisco on Oct. 22, when Emerson began to lose touch with reality and began thinking he was “trapped” on an “imaginary” plane.

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“That’s kind of where I flung off my headset, and I was fully convinced this isn’t real, and I’m not going home,” Emerson told ABC. “And then, as the pilots didn’t react to my completely abnormal behavior in a way that I thought would be consistent with reality, that is when I was like, this isn’t real. I need to wake up.”

He tried to pull the red handles that would have turned off the plane’s engines in midair, likely killing all 83 souls on board. Tragedy was averted when the pilots apprehended Emerson and landed the aircraft safely in Portland, Oregon. 

Emerson said a jail physician diagnosed him with hallucinogen persisting perception disorder — an affliction that prolonged his experience of the psychedelics and caused his confusion about reality in the cockpit.

He pleaded not guilty to 83 counts of attempted murder, 83 counts of reckless endangerment and one count of endangering an aircraft in relation to the incident. 

The murder charges against Emerson have been dropped, but the former pilot still faces over 80 state and federal charges.

“At the end of the day, I accept responsibility for the choices that I made. They’re my choices,” Emerson said. “What I hope through the judicial processes is that the entirety of not just 30 seconds of the event, but the entirety of my experience is accounted for as society judges me on what happened. And I will accept what the debt that society says I owe.”

Emerson is now focusing on the start of his new nonprofit, Clear Skies Ahead, which aims to fund programs for pilots suffering from mental health issues.

“Of course I want to fly again. I’d be totally disingenuous if I said no,” he said. “I don’t know in what capacity I’m going to fly again and I don’t know if that’s an opportunity that’s going to be afforded to me. It’s not up to me to engineer that. What is up to me is to do what’s in front of me, put myself in a position where that’s a possibility, that it can happen.”

FOX Business’ Michael Dorgan contributed to this report.